I am Dianna Stephaine Alvarez. I was born in 1996. I live with my parents and I’m an only – not lonely – child. I have not told my story yet. Why? Depression, anxiety, hopelessness, frustration, and not seeing that treatments were helping me. It pains me to tell my story because it doesn’t have a happy ending. My doctor told me, “Your story might not have a happy ending, but it doesn’t define who you are.” Whoever takes the time to read this, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
In 2011, I had four wisdom teeth removed. The surgery went smoothly. I wasn’t sedated, I just had local anesthesia. I was in a lot of pain. I remember my dad picking us up from the dentist, and I remember him looking at me as if I were from another planet.
The next day, I told my mom, “I feel very weak.” I leaned back toward the bathroom and all of a sudden – I fainted! My next memory was of waking up on the ground with my mom next to me. I was unconscious for 20 minutes. The next thing I remember was touching the back side of my head because I felt pain there. My mom kept asking me if I wanted to go to hospital but I refused. My parents and I regret that decision to this day.
I started feeling dizzy at night. When I closed my eyes, I felt the whole room swirling around me. Next, I began having mind-numbing migraines. The dizziness and the migraines would last for days and even weeks and months. I felt out of control because I didn’t know what was happening to me. My parents felt useless because all I did was cry in pain. The pain was throbbing and stabbing. At first it was in the back of my head but later it went around my eye. I could not tolerate light or noise. I just cried and cried.
So, then the battle began. We went to the ER frequently, and the doctors’ only explanation was that I was dehydrated and needed to drink water. My pediatrician sent me to an Eye and Ear institute. I was diagnosed with Benign Positional Vertigo (BPV) and I went to physical therapy, but when I did the exercises my symptoms would get worse!!! So, the physical therapist told me to get a second opinion.
My pediatrician referred me to a neurologist. Whenever I saw him I always had a migraine, and every time he did an Epley Maneuver for the BPV. I would always have a bad reaction to it. Once I threw up all over his suit. Next, he put me on Amitriptyline. I didn’t see changes in my migraines. The only thing I noticed was it made me gain weight. My pediatrician didn’t believe I wasn’t getting better, so my father made videos of me every single time I had a migraine. He said, “This is the only way doctors will see that something is wrong with you.” I was then referred to a neuro-otologist and started on a low salt diet and Nortriptyline. I didn’t see any changes; it didn’t help me.
I was sent to a neurologist. Every month he put me different medication because the medications we tried weren’t helping. I asked him to send my medical records to my pediatrician. My pediatrician said my neurologist didn’t believe I was even taking my medications. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I WOULD BE BEYOND STUPID AND IGNORANT NOT TO TAKE MY MEDICATION! THE MEDS ARE NOT WORKING FOR ME! I told my parents. They consoled me and told me they thought it was preposterous.
Finally, the neurologist diagnosed me with Vestibular Migraines. Currently, I have a migraine every other day.
I tried all the medications that you can think of. I was referred to a Pain Management doctor. He did nerve blocks and that did not work. He also shoved cotton swabs down both of my nostrils. He wants me to have a surgery to decompress the nerves which are causing me to have a migraine. My insurance won’t cover it.
My parents have always been there for me, and during these past 7-8 years they have been so patient with me. I can’t thank them enough. It’s weird how much a parent can know their child. A year ago, my mother noticed that I was different; not enjoying the things I used to like, being careless about my personal care, looking and being sad, getting offended too easily. She wanted me to see a psychiatrist, but my answer was no. I’m not crazy. I finally decided to seek help, and we started looking for one that would take my insurance. My parents were right. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. That hit me hard because I thought I was going to be more sick. Besides seeing a psychologist, I get EMDR therapy. It is hard most of the times, but I find myself relieved at the end. I’m going to therapy every week and I’m still hoping for a treatment that could return me to my life.
I had to drop out of high school. I needed to finish senior year, but I couldn’t manage my pain. I’m also starting driving classes. Right now, with the help of God, I’m in a program called Home and Hospital and I need 4 classes to graduate senior year and get my Regents Diploma. It is hard most of the time, but I have to press “play” to my life because these past years, my life has been on “pause.”
I believe in Jehovah God, and I believe and know that prayer is a powerful thing that God has given us to help us during a difficult time.
This was an incredibly hard thing for me to do, and I hope we all can find relief of our pain soon.
