I’m sitting apart again; I’ve got to do what I can to get back inside. We visited my sister who has kids the same age as mine. Rowdy, fun, laughter, games with smiles are cliche and yet everything I have ever wanted. I love that they have this with their cousins, as I had with their aunt when we were kiddos. I explain to my kids again that some folks cry when they laugh! I pretend it’s not from pain, and try to breathe through it as I rush to the car where I don’t have to keep it in. Holding sobs in causes straining which spikes the pain from my temples and down my neck. So I let it out in quick short whimpers and Lamaze breathes when I make it to the car; I try not to ruin another normal happy family memory for my kids by being noisy. It’ll be gone in a few minutes if I can just breathe through it and not vomit. Breathe, breathe, take ibuprofen even though I know the medicine won’t kick in before it’ll just be over as long as I can breathe. Vomiting will cause pain that won’t relent for the night. I arch my neck back as that helps sometimes as forward makes it worse. The mantra, don’t puke, while I think what I must do to look normal when I go back in. The MRI was normal I know my husband will let folks who ask know, they may wonder at my weird response to migraine… but they won’t worry. My sis will distract the kids with ice cream! I’m back 30 min later, make-up removed, water splashed on my face, I focus on tidying up… to be present for another event, to be there for my family; avoiding the jovial conversations, I so I don’t laugh again. Slow breaths. Slow breaths.
