Finding Balance Between Migraine and Future Motherhood: Q&A with Stesha

I served in the [U.S.] Marine Corps from 2006-2010. I got out as a Lance Corporal, so I did 4 years [of service]. Now I work with veterans in higher education. I’m the Director of Veteran Services for a University in Texas.  

I started getting migraines while on active duty and they had me on some medication, but it seemed to make them [the attacks] worse… I [initially] started getting them in bootcamp, but I just suffered through them. I didn’t complain about them then, but they just got progressively worse and by the time I got to my duty station in 2008, I was seen at [a] medical [center] for them and put on medication. I’ve been seen by specialists, [and] they’ve done brain scans. There’s no reason why I should be getting migraines. 

Unfortunately, right now I am not on any meds because my husband and I are trying to have a kid and my doctors don’t want me on medication because once I get pregnant, I have to get off that medication. So, it’s more detrimental to my health to be on it and then stop. I just have to suffer through them.

I was diagnosed [while serving] in the Marine Corps. I was on a sumatriptan (imitrex) for a few years, but that made the situation worse. I [would] take it and then the back of my head starts aching. It’s like I’m in pain in one part of my body, and now I’m just trading up for another pain. Then, of course, it knocks me out so I can’t take it in the middle of the day… But on the flip side, if I don’t take something, then I’ve got to sleep for the rest of the day anyway.

[I have] got to turn off the lights in my office sometimes and just lay down. [I] try to get a little bit of rest and sleep through it, but… [for] the last few years, I wake up with them and then they usually last a few hours, so I’ll have to call and come in a few hours late. [However,] sometimes not even that helps. This month I had one that lasted for 3 days and one that lasted for 4 days… They were so bad that I was throwing up and I had to miss work. 

It really just sucks. My boss knows not to schedule anything in the morning because there’s a chance that I can wake up with a migraine and have to come in late. Everything is scheduled for the afternoon when it comes to meetings for the most part. It sucks because I’ll be looking forward to something. I was on vacation 2 months ago and in the middle of vacation, I got a massive migraine, and I had to miss out on the whole day. I’m paying to be in this hotel! I can’t do anything other than just lay down with the lights off. 

It affects me, I can’t be around people that have too strong of [a] perfume… whatever they put in women’s perfume versus men’s cologne sets them off. So, I wear men’s cologne instead… A scented candle has to be a certain smell. If it’s pine, it’s going to give me a migraine. [During] Christmas time I have to avoid or hold my breath when I’m walking into grocery stores because they have all the pines out. It’s like I have to navigate my world differently than if I didn’t have these conditions.

I wish more people would understand that it’s not just a headache… it will go away quickly but if I don’t catch it early enough, it can become this debilitating thing where I’m having to lay down. I think they call it prostrating migraine*. I can’t get over it. Sometimes I can’t push through it. Thankfully, I have a boss that understands that, but I’ve had bosses in the past that are like, ‘Just work through it. Come to work.’ I wish some people would understand that it’s so severe that simply rolling over in bed, I’m having to throw up.  

One time… it always seemed to happen that my migraines would hit on a Sunday, and they would last until Monday, and I’d have to call in. So, I got accused of drinking all weekend because it was a hangover.

As a woman, I’ve tried tracking migraine [looking] into triggers and it seems to be I have a whole bunch of triggers, [like] weirdly scented things. Thankfully, light doesn’t really trigger them. If I’m in [the middle of] a migraine [attack], I want the lights off… Other times it’s my period… weather changes. Obviously in the spring I have more [attacks] because of allergies…

I had a lot of headaches when I was a kid. They never got to the level of migraine, but I remember one time I didn’t get to go to recess… I had a headache, and my teacher just let me lie in the classroom with the lights off and we discovered that those headaches were because I needed glasses. They weren’t migraines, but it never occurred to me that kids didn’t have headaches until right before I joined the Marine Corps. 

I was a nanny one summer and I’m like ‘OK, now, where is the Tylenol in case the girls get a headache?’ and my boss is like, ‘What do you mean? They’ve never had headaches.’ What?! There are people that go throughout life without headaches? Without migraines?

When I was diagnosed in the Marine Corps with migraines, it helped me accept that a lot quicker. It wasn’t just [telling myself I have got to] push through it. I needed to go to [a] medical [center] because the headaches that I was getting were now turning into a lot worse situation and I was still calling them headaches.

The doctor was like, ‘No, these are called migraines.’ I’m like, ‘Oh, well that’s a new definition, a new term that I had to put in my vocabulary, but it was those moments where I realized other people didn’t experience these things that allowed me to go to medical and seek treatment. I’m glad I did because if I didn’t, then I wouldn’t be able to claim it on my disability.

It’s definitely a [difficult] decision [since I want] to become a mom. The other option is [to] go on medication and just not become a mom the traditional way, [and consider] adoption. I have to also navigate my mental health because I got diagnosed with schizophrenia a few years ago. It’s navigating my medication with my doctors to find the safest possible combination so that I can have a healthy pregnancy… 

I was misinformed when I got out of active duty… I was told that you had to have a disability rating to use the VA. I spent several years without insurance because I’m a college student and [was] self-medicating with acetaminophen and ibuprofen… Then I finally got insurance, and it took a while to bring them up…  

Some doctors have been receptive. The current one I have she understands… That’s why I’m not on a medication other than acetaminophen because I’m trying to have a kid… There’s nothing on the market that is approved for pregnant women. My current doctor is onboard with my treatment plan, but I’ve had other doctors where they’re just really dismissive. I was still pretty young, straight out of the Marine Corps… I was just accepting what they said and kept moving forward… 

I’m not saying this [to be] against male doctors at all, but the male doctors that I’ve had have been very dismissive. The doctor I have now is a woman and she seems to be a lot more understanding and receptive. She also isn’t all just about medications. She introduces lifestyle changes and things like that into her diagnosis. [With previous healthcare providers,] it was sort of like, let’s throw more medication at it, rather than try to find the root of the problem. Right now, we’re trying to navigate the root of the problem. The VA thinks it’s sleep apnea because I’m waking up with them. 

The problem with the VA is they’re so backlogged. I am scheduled for a sleep apnea test in August. That was as soon as the sleep center at the VA could see me.  

My husband, unfortunately, lost his first wife to brain cancer, so he’s the one that pushed me to go and try to seek a second opinion on migraines because my doctor was like ‘It’s migraines. Here’s some medication.’ The medication’s not really helping so I’m just going to wing it. He pushed me to go see a neurologist and that’s when I had brain scans [performed]. The neurologist was like, ‘I don’t see anything here that would explain it.’